Last moments at 23...

At my last moments of being 23 I want to recount the 23 life lessons i posted last year. The 24th will come...when i'm 24.

1. Follow the Spirit.
2. Go to bed every night knowing God a little better than the night before. Your testimony is the most precious gift which you posses—strengthen it daily.
3. You should feel the Spirit every prayer. Stay on your knees until you do. That is God hearing your prayer.
4. Study the scriptures to teach something every day.
5. Confidence is based on who you really are—nothing else.
6. Leadership is an organized opportunity to help the world and you grow.
7. Strip every institution, activity and program down to love.
8. One soul is a good enough reason.
9. If you don’t think that you can change the world, then change someone’s world. Don’t underestimate the power of one—namely, you.
10. Keep your priorities focused on the eternal; for life is a matter of perspective, not circumstance.
11. Serve until you love.
12. If you have to wonder if they can feel your love, express it.
13. “Godly sorrow” is knowing that Christ suffered because of you not just for you.
14. There is ALWAYS a reason to rejoice, even in adversity. (1Ths. 5:16; 1Peter 4:12,13)
15. Do what you say you will do, when you say you will do it.
16. If you feel stressed, stop. Think. What can you do to fix the problem? If there is nothing you can do then pray. If there is something you can do, then do it. If you ever forget this rule, just go under the stars for 5 minutes. (Alma 17:27-32)
17. Expectations for others should be to try. Expectations for yourself should be perfect love.
18. Women bear children, men open doors.
19. Do what the best version of you would do.
20. There is the way to do things, and then there is the way to get things done.
21. The proverbial “self” is not found or discovered—it is created.
22. Dream big—live smart; but never ever let others invented limitations dictate what constitutes “smart”.
23. Live life sincerely.

A Memorandom Regarding Dating Lawyers

The unofficially verbalized, yet heretofore unwritten [due to concerns regarding several torts such as libel, etc.], opinions of the author on the subject of progression in a relationship with an individual of the employment, purported or intended, of a lawyer will herein be stated in a mockingly-run-on style of a superfluous memorandum. (simply meaning i'll draw upon my one semester of law from Derek Brown over a year ago and utilize the wikipedia page of "memorandum" to find words that no normal human uses--except lawyers...wait, sorry, that was a bit redundant..(sorry dad, Uncle Steve, Granddad (go figure--"granddad" has three d's. And all these years i've been spelling grandad wrong...), Uncle Mark, both mission presidents, cuz Dallas, and, of course, the girl without whom this post would remain unwritten)).

Recently [specific dates have been omitted, protecting the reputation and tychierti (made up word) of the author], the author received to company of a student of law in the third year, hereinafter refereed to as "Booke" [names of parties involved have not been changed to conceal privacy] (ya, well i told her to read my blog, so it's her problem if she never catches this post...plus, she knew what i was when she picked me up...she knew what i was when she picked me up). As common practice on such occasions amongst the common counter-culture (triple alliteration--two points) typically attributed to the greater Provo area, the author and said Brooke consumed luke-warm hot chocolate in a cafe near the central region of the above stated geographical local. According to the principles of stare decisis, the aforementioned event should have been...bad.

k...really, i'm already tired of using big words. It's early.

Basically, went on a date with a girl named Brooke.
had a great time.
i was surprised.
didn't think i would.

I mean, really though, i feel like law school sucks out personality from students and strips them of all individuality, leaving them just one molecule in a mass of a graduating class.

But brooke honestly changed my opinion. She was funny, full of personality and I could have an honest open genuine conversation without throwing out random latin phrases (stare decisis being the only one i actually know).

I'm not saying anything is going to happen with her or i've met my future wife. I mean, let's be honest, a lot of things change my opinion. (ex: I liked Bette Midler until that witch movie. I hated tomatoes until Ukrainian ketchup. I liked the word ketchup until it took me 3 min to figure out how to spell it just now.) so...let's not give this brooke too much credit. But nonetheless, i really did have a good time.

Basically, fear not to date lawyers...I guess even amidst a heap-pile of garbage, slime and sludge*cough*law school*cough*--a rose can bloom.

Now let's just see if this rose ever calls me back...

A Word On Taking Something of Your Spanish Mother's With Her Express Dissaproval:

Don't.

What Women REALLY Want

Last week I had a friend call me. He made a mistake in dating...a BIG mistake. Like the kind of mistake that can't be forgiven. The biggest balkiest blunder of all backyard barbie-pushing bad ideas (and if you must know--three. 3 minutes is how long I spent going through the thesaurus to find that alliteration). What was it, you ask?

He told a girl that he liked her.
She hasn't spoken to him since.

Exhibit A: A girl says she wants a guy to be honest and open. But in reality, she really doesn't.
Exhibit B: A girl says she wants a guy to be honest and open. But in reality, she really doesn't.
Exhibit C: ...ya, you get the picture.

Girls WANT to want the truth...but they don't...REALLY. They are content to dream of their white knight bursting through the doors ona black stallion to save them from the drag that they call reality.
That dream is where it stops.
They soon will come to find out that if that knight ever dismounts from his horse, he will be too short from being underfed as a child, emotionally traumatized from all the dragons, have bow-legs from riding all day, slightly over weight from the meals on-the-go, an acne problem from that mask (hi, ya metal DOESN'T breathe very well), will smell terrible from the chainmail and worst of all...will actually be excited to see her.

Women don't want that.

They like the mystery and intrigue (maybe when it is right, they don't...but i wouldn't know about that). On your horse you can be whatever she wants you to be, but when you are too honest too soon, 'to the gully's with yer.'

And oh, if your'e wondering if she likes you, always remember: she doesn't.

That mentality will be the best idea to make the relationship work...trust me. after all, I've successfully avoided getting married for this long, so I'm doing something right, ya?
right?
some one?
positive reinforcement?

[sigh]...

And don't worry about me. I'm not bitter. Just tired.

Families are forever. Dating makes you want it.

Closer: The Final Final Word

5 Types of Attraction.
1 Law of Attraction.
0 "successful" relationships.

One thing that people ask me whenever I explain this theory is, "What qualifies you?" That last goose egg qualifies me. They say that those who can't do teach and those who can't teach teach gym.
I think I have failed in almost every aspect of dating and I wish I could say that I felt sorry for myself. But now that I feel, through all of my blunders, I understand the 5 types of attraction and the law of attraction, there are no more excuses. Do you have the 5 types of attraction for her? Does she have them for you? are you both ready to do something about it?
After that attractionary arithmetic, there is an unsolvable and insoluble solution of...love.
That is what this all boils down to.
In my quest to deduce love to a systematic procedure to guard my heart, I have realized that you will never have a perfect 10/10. There will be different levels of each type of attraction, timing may not be just on and things may seem a bit off. With this in mind, let me end where i began these posts--with a quote from Good Will Hunting "You're not perfect, sport, and let me save you the suspense: this girl you've met, she's not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other."

An imperfect series of attractions and timing can still lead to the perfect love. For love is organic. If you want a rose, you don't plant a bulb and the next day reach into the dirt and rip up a flower. You plant, water, care for and...eventually...it is a rose.

So in the final analysis, while I am looking for and physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual and sexual attraction while keeping a pulse on the timing of the situation...I really am looking for none of that. I am just looking for someone that I can love who is crazy enough to love me too. For eventually I really do believe that I'll find some one who doesn't just love me despite my random rants and quirks...but because of them.

After all, don't we all deserve that?

So I'll keep my 0 for now, knowing that 1 will come along.

Note to the reader: I apologize for the serious tone and lack of parenthetical digressions, but honesty can't always be shielded behind the thin veil of humor.

Part 6: The LAW of Timing

I gathered the nerve, made up my speech and was ready to deliver. I decided to get into a serious relationship with a girl. The week before she had told me that she was ready for a relationship and I asked for a little more time, but took the time and now was ready to take the plunge. I thought a romantic drive to wal-mart would be the perfect setting.
I was wrong.
She said no. Like no. As in...the week before she wanted to date me seriously, and now...seriously...she didn't want to.
Although I had never been in a relationship before, I had seen enough movies to know that THIS was not how it was supposed to go. I was hurt (well I guess "hurt" isn't the right word...what's a synonym for "really confused, frustrated and ticked off"?). I had heard that girls were fickle, but i never hung around long enough to find out. (Needless to say, now I know...)
By the time we got home, I had decided that it was for the better and I didn't want to date her either ("Will that be all sir?" "No...a side of "really bitter" to go please? Thanks."). I remembered all the things I didn't like about her. Who needed her, after all?
When we got back from our drive she asked me to come into her apartment for a few minutes. Against my better judgement (story of my life) I did. She left me in the living room for 5 min and when she came out, she said that she changed her mind (again) and asked if we could date.
ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?!
I told her I had already decided it was a good idea for us not to date.
We never did.
We both are VERY happy.

The law of attraction to which all types of attraction bow is the LAW OF TIMING. It doesn't matter if you are dating Jennifer Aniston who is in love with you, if it is not the RIGHT TIME, then things will never work out (okay, maybe not the best example, I would 'make time' for Jen, if ya know what i mean ;-) ). But really though, if the attraction and willingness just miss each other by a year a week or by 10 min, it won't work. There has to be 5 types of attraction for one part and 5 for the other. A total of 10. 9/10 doesn't cut it. The world thinks that it does. That is why there are so many divorces (among other things...like husbands defining "romantic" as a drive to wal-mart).
There is nothing you can do about it if one of the parties is not ready and lacking a type of attraction. If you want to build a solid relationship, you both have to be ready to rock at the same time.
But important to note: don't hate yourself for not loving the perfect guy or girl. People say, "when it's right, it's right" (It is that "when" word that kills all of us single people). But i look at it this way, if EVERYone is saying that who has found love, 60 million frenchmen can't be wrong. (dear microsoft word, take off that little red squiggly. i will not capitalize the word "frenchmen"...that is just ridiculous. Nor will i capitalize "microsoft"...get over yourself.)
You deserve someone who is ready for sometwo.

Final word: If you're on tick when she's on tock--your hope to click is out of luck.
(i know it doesn't rhyme, it's not supposed to...it's meaningfully sinister.)