16 Ways People Find this Blog...and Other Slightly Interesting Analytics

Sometimes, the truth can be surprising. I was quite shocked by some of these stats.

For the 150th post, I thought it would be interesting to share some analytics about this blog.

Here are some notable things people have typed into search engines to get here:

• "farting in the library" (this was in the top 5 ways that people have found this blog)
• "break up (I feel for you.)
• "land before time tree star" (oh little foot)
• "what guys should do on dates" (good idea)
• "what guys should not do on a date" (better idea)
• "how to be pretentious" (my mom would be proud)
• "asking out a girl at the gym" (my dad would be proud)
• "dating before facebook" (a serious concern)
• "dating a lawyer sucks" (AGREE still.)
• "easter bunny hate you" (...?)
• "good days to dump someone" (SUNDAY people, SUNDAY!)
• "how to tell what day is easter" (look in your closet)
• "is cuddling flirting" (if you are little spoon and a male...then no.)
• "should you say to a girl do you want to try my hot tub" (that all depends on your definition of "hot tub," my friend)
• "standup closet from wallmart.com" (sorry to disappoint)
• "zack oates phone number" (973.945.7898)

Also some random facts about readers of this blog:

• 10,764 people have read this blog from
• 102 countries who spend an average of
• 1:42 min on the site totaling to
• 736 total hours which is typically read at
• 1 in the afternoon.
• Josh Guest has referred more people to this site than any other person.
• While 41% of people only come once,
• 642 people have come more than 200 times.

Oh and there is a huge upside for all this work: I have made $10.41 in advertising, which means I make just under $0.07 per post. Anyone looking for a new job? We're hiring.

The 3 Parts to a Magical Kiss

Boys typically fear the butterflies.

There are three parts to every kiss, Disney Eyes, The Cyclops and The Post-Look.

Part 1: Disney Eyes
The "before" is what the butterflies are all about. The seconds ticking down to a game winning shot, sharpening your pencil moments before taking the SATs, pouring a ice cold glass of milk with a mouthful of brownies--these are the moments that sap every drop of life's nectar and focuses an otherwise aimless mind into the present.

Oh, those eyes...

She looks down and says something quietly enough so that you can't quite hear and then she looks up into your eyes (after a quick glance at your lips) as her chin remains anxiously poised. This magical moment culminates into a curation of anticipation that breeds bated breath and eager enchantment which can only find comprehension in experience.

Part 2: The Cyclops

Angelina Jolie still looks hot as a Cyclops 

The "during" is what you are waiting for. Sweet music fills the parked car (or Squaw peak, or Kiwanis park, or kitchen (in the case of my roommate and his g/f...gross.)) and you know that these butterflies are flying away into the comfort zone of real potential.

This is called The Cyclops because every now and then, you know you open your eyes (just like you do during prayers in church) just to make sure you aren't dreaming. And even from 3 millimeters away when she looks like she just has one big blurry eye, you think to yourself, 'dang, baby's hot!'

Part 3: The Post-Look
The "after" is what will make or break the kiss. No matter how clear the Disney eyes and how good she looked as a cyclops, if she isn't still kissing you with her imagination after your lips have parted, either she doesn't like you or you need some lessons.

A while ago I kissed an ex-girlfriend (ALWAYS a good idea...[really sarcastic look over my glasses]), and the eyes were there, the cyclops was looking good...but then we stopped kissing. And it was just hollow. The only other time I felt that disappointed was when the bully of my elementary school took my Tamagachi and reset it after 2 weeks of feeding and caring. (Except this time, I only cried on the inside.)

On the other hand, when you have the Disney Eyes, the good cyclops and the post-look, you have a kiss worth the guff you will get from your future spouse when they go over your journal in years to come. That is the kind of kiss where you don't walk back to your car, you float. The kind of kiss where days after the date is over, you can still feel her lips gently pressed on yours, like a gentle summer breeze.

Ah yes, the kind of kiss that makes "true love's kiss" the most magic thing in the world.

(can you all tell it has been a while since I've kissed anyone...?)

One Choice to Make

At a park in Ukraine on my mission, I saw these goats faithfully following their shepherd. 

I shared this poem yesterday when teaching at church and had a few people ask about it and decided to make it a post. This poem came to me at the first part of my mission and has been a guiding banner of encouragement ever since. I never wanted to share it publicly because of how personal it was and because I didn't feel it was finished. Well yesterday, I finished it.

Now, I want to share this with you.

One Choice to Make

The race has begun, as strangers we run,
Will we make it home back around?
Two paths you can take, but one choice to make,
On which will your footprints be found?

Are you seeking the gold, worth treasures untold,
To pay for the price to get in?
Or is all just swell buying stones to sell,
Soon to wonder what might have been?

For the path to perfection is paved with correction,
Leading you straight back home.
While the way to hell says, ‘All is well,’
But soon you’ll meander alone.

So when the armor feels heavy, and tears soon to come…
Lift up your head and His sword.
Hear the voice of The One, “Well done my son,
Enter thou into the joy of the Lord.”

Zack Oates, 2005


If you are interested in my top 4 poems, please read these. And if you have others, please share!
If, Rudyard Kipling
Desiderata, Max Ehrmann
O Captain! My Captain!, Walt Whitman
This Is Just To Say, William Carlos Williams

My First Double Blind Date

So I went on my first double blind date last week.

There is this girl who just got back from her mission and her mother works at a school. There is this nice girl who works at the school with the girl's mother. This nice girl is the sister of my friend. My friend knows me. The nice girl told my buddy to set up the girl with someone and he chose me. Still with me? I've drawn a flow chart diagram to explain.

I called her and she had no idea who i was. I mean...none. Didn't even know I had her number.

Luckily, I don't know the girl that knows her mother's name and she didn't know that girl's brother's name, so it was really awkward. I say "luckily" because there is only one way to go from THAT phone call. Let's just say that I'm pretty sure we both had low expectations.

Anywhoo, bless her, she agreed to dinner with a total stranger (of a stranger). It was a double blind date, or as I have dubbed it, the placebo date. Not to mention that she didn't give me her last name because, in her words, she "didn't want me to be stalking her."

Everything was leading up to a bad date.

BAHAhahahahha!! (see Top 10 Reasons I'm Single)

I mean, why didn't my buddy go out with her? Why did she answer her phone and agree to a date when I couldn't even intelligently explain how I came to get her number? How was I supposed to prepare myself without stalking her facebook?! (that is like doing the running of the bulls blindfolded...or like going on a blind date in the 1800's)

It ended up being a pretty good date, actually!

So it is true what they say about low expectations being the key to happiness in life.

Waiting for You to Join me in the World of Custom Suits

When people ask me how I would describe my blog, I respond, "it is a fashion blog about dating." 

Zero clarification. Wow.

What that means is that I write ad nauseam (thank you wikipedia for telling me how to spell that) about dating and when something really cool about fashion comes up, I write about that. 

Today, I'm stepping off the dating alter (--for sacrifice, not marriage) and talking fashion. 

A couple of weeks ago I got a new suit (pictured) from Dress Code, a new custom suiting company in Utah. I have been getting so many compliments on the suit, that I started to carry their card in my pocket to just give them out to people asking for more info.

Well this is not just any suit, it is a custom fitted suit. A super-hyper-uber-custom fitted suit. Imagine that unrealistically perfect guy/girl that everyone tells you not to wait for because they don't exist...now personify that as a suit. 

I own it. 

Oh and did I mention that their style consultant came to my office, took all my measurements, had me pick out the style, fabric, color, number of pockets, type of fit, suit liner and lapel size? But don't worry, I even picked out stuff I didn't know was pick-out-able: the width between my pinstripes, the piping color on the inside of the suit and number of belt loops. Some things I wasn't sure about and got suggestions of the latest trends and recommendations for my body type. 

I waited a few weeks and then got another drop-by to my apartment where the same style consultant had me try on the suit and altered some minor things that very day. Talk about service. (I felt like Aretha Franklin walking into Showtime at the Apollo...I've never been, but we can all assume.) 

Top that off with a pair of vintage shoes that I bought at an antique store and, my friends, you are looking at a $250 outfit fit for the fashionable FitzGerald dynasty. 

My montra of "you either get what you pay for or you'll eventually pay for what you get" is being put to the test with Dress Code. 

Get in touch with them on Facebook or email them. ...I'm running out of their business cards.

(And if you hate me (yet still read this blog...ANONYMOUS), know that I don't get a cut on anything you buy...I just really was impressed with this company and want to help spread the word!) 

sales@DressCodeSuits.com

www.facebook.com/DressCodeSuits