My Friend got a Parking Ticket while I got a Girl's Number

So last Sunday i parked illegally right near my friend outside of church (ironic, I realize). After church, we walked back to our cars together and she had a fatty ticket on her window. I looked over at my car and had that sick feeling I have gotten 26 times before as I saw something stuck under my windshield wiper.

I walked over and noticed that the paper had a green flower on it. 'New Provo Police initiative to make paying tickets less sucky?' I wondered.

Not a ticket, as it turns out.

It was actually a note from a girl that I had chatted with on my way to church. It said, "We should be friends" with name her number on it! (Oh yeah, that's staying in the scrapbook to either show at our wedding, or to show my kids that dad used to have-it-going-oooooon!)

I called her the next day but no answer. So I texted and asked her to call me. 

And I kid you not, the response I got was, "I thought the whole point of giving you my number was so that you would give me a call. ;)" (at least she left off the nose on that emot icon).

H'm. 

I informed her that I did, indeed, call and that she, in fact, did not answer.

And again, 100% for reals, she texted back, "And I commend you for your effort. But that may just mean that you will have to try again."

Oh boy. This first date is going to be...blog-worthy. I wish she wasn't so interesting for those 5 min I talked with her so I could write her off as "typical." But curiosity has gotten the best (worst) of me on this one. More details to come (unless she has me sign an NDA too).

Moral of the story: life's not fair. I got a girl's number while my friend just got off with a $50 parking ticket. 

Why It's Hard to Not Try Too Hard

I have a philosophy when dating...it is called not trying too hard. Again, this is a philosophy and works in theory, but it a little harder in practice (like--communism and lettuce wraps with extra dressing...both sound good but are in reality a disaster). 

The problem is this: you don't just have to find a girl that you like; but she has to actually like you. (queue gasp of self-realization [BWAHHH?] ...and we're back) I see this statistical anomaly prove itself out in every descent marriage. Getting a good guy to like a good girl...and having that SAME good girl liking that good guy. (Why can't we just go back to how it used to be in having the girl settling for the guy?) 

But in the end folks, even thought I've heard mixed reviews about it, I believe in marriage. (Take a deep breath for this next runnonsentence) I believe that two people can fall madly in love and sift that facet-filled fairy-tale feeling (+4) up through the raging sands of reality to settle on top as a polished stone of true joy, where the 'happily ever after' will be something two out of tune mortals are working towards, and not a daily musical.

And on this quest to find that right arithmetic fit of an unquantifiable i, it really is tough to not try too hard. I'm sorry that I can't help but think if a girl can be a future wife on a first date, or if I wonder what our kids will look like on the second or wonder what a third date would look like at all...but with something so important, how can you tell a guy not to try too hard? The fact that this person may be the one girl I will fall for this year, I need to TRY to be my best self to give her a chance to feel the same way. 

And if you have patience, I think you'll find that there is more to me and every other person looking to 'settle up' than a little too much red dressing. 

Why GREAT First Dates DO NOT Always Lead to Second Dates

You pick her up and she is stunning--even better than you remember her a few days ago at that bonfire (It is a good thing too because we all have been there where we get someone's number with poor lighting...). The conversation flows and you almost can hear the string quartet playing as you watch her walk down the isle. 

You go home and feel like there is nothing that can stop you now! 'How could a date have gone that well with such an amazing person?' 

The standard 24 hours are endured before sending a text. 'Maybe a movie this weekend? Or lunch tomorrow? Oh, I can't wait. Frozen yogurt RIGHT NOW!' Draft the text. "Hey you!  What are you doing? Let's go grab frozen yogurt!" You press send. Time sent, 9:02pm.

9:03.

9:04.

9:15.

midnight.

'She's probably asleep.'

Next day.

10:00am.

'She's probably been at work.'

5:05pm

7:00pm

11:00pm.

'She probably didn't get my text.'

"HEY! How was ur day?" Time sent, 11:03.

Next day you get a response, "Oh hey, just saw your text. My phone was broken." Received next day 8:30pm.

You wait 5 min and pool together a clever response, "At least something more important wasn't broken! ;-)" Time sent, 8:35pm.

You should have kept the emot icon to yourself (and yes...those stupid faces are called "emot icons").

"What" (Received 9:00pm)

Not even the concern to add a "?" to the text.

You try to rebound. "Nvmnd. But when can we get together?" Time sent, 9:02pm. 

The cycle of reality:

Rinse. Repeat. Rejected.

*************

WHY WHY WHY??? Why don't good first dates turn into second dates (that, according The Balancing Act post, are difficult in and of themselves)? 

Maybe she started dating someone, maybe she heard something from a roommate, maybe she read your blog. 

This post is not for the purpose of presenting answers, but to let you know that it happens. It happens to everyone...and it is okay. Keep to the three point rule and know when to stop communicating with them. 

But what you really need to know is this: if someone doesn't fall in love with you as you do with them--it isn't that you are wrong, it is that you are wrong for them. And in the end, they are wrong for you. (heck, i guess in the beginning, in this case) There will be someone just as excited to see a text from you pop up on their phone as you are. And then, even if you do dumb things (like add a nose on your winkey face in texting), you can follow the cycle of love:

Rinse. 

Repeat. 

Rejoice. 

The Balancing Act of Dumping Yourself

Ah [exhale], the unassuming who fall head over heels...

"You are such a great person...BUT I'm scared because you're so perfect and I know I'm going to be really busy..."

If you have ever heard something like that know this: they don't like you. 

STORY: I really liked this girl in Seattle. She was just fantastic. She was bright, fun, beautiful, the sister of my best friend (who's approval I had)...just awesome. But the problem: well, she lived in Seattle (not a shot at the city, per se...but on the other hand...yeah, it is). 

We talked every night on the phone after school and work, we texted during the day and emailed when we had spare moments on the computer. I ended up driving up to Seattle to go on a few dates with her and she came to Utah to see me. 

It ended up not being the right fit and she has since met a great guy...but the point is, that DESIRE DICTATES DISCRETIONARY TIME (+3).

Think of it this way, there is a see-saw where all of the reasons to date you are on one side and the reasons not to date you are on the other. It will either tip one way or the other. And when it tips the other, know that you deserve better, as I have said before. 

You deserve someone who WANTS to date you and whose fear and schedule far under-weigh your awesomeness. And remember not to hate them for their feelings, In some way, we are all subjects to our emotions. So just keep an eye open to know when to dump yourself.

(AND remember not to judge too soon. Sometimes, we jump the gun and think that they should know us well enough to decide. Saying that you are "Ready" too soon could end up with more than a hurt heart.)

But in the final analysis, we don't choose whom we love, we just choose whom we allow our hearts to try to love...but that is a whole other blog post.

Reader Beware: You WILL Want to Fall in Love

Adam + Arielle + A Bicycle Built for Two from Lilly McDowell.

It is rare, but it happens--sometimes, you just want to fall in love. Not like the spring-is-here-and-it-has-been-a-long-lonely-winter kind of love or the one-week-of-summer-before-i-leave-forever kind either...but the REAL kind. You know, the kind that Disney makes movies about. 

Well the creator of this video, Lilly McDowell, is a Utah county-based videographer who is a Walt of wedding videos that make you want to go find a glass slipper and some 'unsung' cleaning lady. 

I came across this video a few months ago (thank you, Scotty), have since watched just about every video she has (which, by the way, produces the same excitement as watching a season of 24 over one weekend--but without the guilt). I decided I needed to hire her....but by virtue of the fact that I have a DATING BLOG, there are obvious limitations there.

So since I wasn't getting married, I called her, ordered a date video for my friend and his wife and got to meet her. She is incredible to work with and such reasonable prices for the quality of video that she delivers! I was shocked! I can't wait to see the video that she creates for my friends and I'll for sure post it when its done.

I love to promote those people who accidentally impressed me  (shout out to Dress Code) and if she can make an old provo sage like me want to fall in love, it deserves at least a blog post. 

Call her. Email her. Get married so you can hire her. (Shoot, marry me so I can hire her!) Let her know her biggest fan sent you and watch all her vids.

Remember why you fell in love. 

Forget why you haven't.