It was actually our fourth date in a week and a half. But like real dates. No croquet in the park with glowstick gates, no s'mores inside the car (a really fun date if you want to know how to do that), no just-add-girl date....but real great get-to-know you dates.
I thought things were going okay, but not so sure because she wasn't being as physical as I thought she would be. Not that a girl needs to make out with me on the first date (not like she doesn't NOT need to as well...but that's another post), but there was no forearm touch with head tossed back in slightly superflous (+2) laughter, no leg graze with an eye gaze, not even an extended hand grab to get my attention.
Then, the moment she opened the door for our fourth date it hit me like a ton of multi-colored bricks: we weren't dating.
I was her straight gay best friend.
'Zack,' my friends will say, 'come on now. How could you tell that from just looking at her?'
The giveaway: she was wearing crocks.
I mean crocks.
On a date.
The times it is okay to wear crocks: gardening, showering in a third world country...............and that's about it.
When she threw on a wrinkled collared shirt, I really couldn't keep it in anymore. I looked at her crocks and apparently was not very good at holding back my expression.
"What's wrong?" she probed.
"Ummm, did you just want to go to the drive-through?"
She started to laugh. I awkwardly chuckled....still waiting for a response.
Although I tried to ask her out again just in case, she declined, realizing my intentions were not to go shopping with her.
So here are some ways you can know if you are dating or just a straight gay best friend:
- If she wears crocks
- If she invites you to pick out jeans with her
- If she asks you to bring her Cherry Garcia ice cream
- If she asks you if you want to watch any Nicolas Sparks book turned movie
- If she says, 'We should get pedis!'
- If she asks you for guy advice.
MEN--If you are in the straight gay best friend zone...don't worry, it isn't a shot at your masculinity, but an assertion that you will get along well with your future wife.
WOMEN--If you have put a guy in the straight gay best friend zone...hate to break it to you, but you are a terrible person. (okay, you're not a terrible person, but you are wasting a lot of guys' time. He doesn't want to be friends with you even if he thinks he wants to be friends with you. No one likes being just friends with their crush--oh, and that 'one guy' isn't the exception.)
Now, if you are a gay guy, would you PLEASE set up your straight guy friends? You have so many hot girl friends.