WORST DATE EVER--Guest Post by Katilda.com

Okay so I found this blog the other day (thanks to Naomi M for that!) and turns out, I met her on a date in AZ...when I picked up her roommate (thanks to Meg W for that!). We decided to do a "worst date" blog post trade. Check out her blog and check out this post. She is funny. Katie Elizabeth Hawkes blogs at Katilda.com where you can read my worst date ever.


THE POST:
I'll be the first to admit that my dating shenanigans don't hold a candle to some of the epic monstrosities I've heard within my own friend circle. But regardless, mine was still a ridiculous evening for a naive little grasshopper to experience at the tender age of 19.

Confession: I don't even remember this guy's name, so we're going to call him Samsonite. Sammy. And now on with the story...

Prologue: This date occurred after my roommate informed me that her buddy Samsonite was hankering for a set-up. Trying to be a good sport, I didn't ask many questions, said yes, and thus it all began.

Scene 1: Browsing Our Phones
Samsonite retrieved me from my little basement apartment and whisked me off to an evening of (not so much) magic and (mostly a lot of) mayhem. We'd driven about 1.3333 blocks when he pulled the car over and said, "My buddy wants to come on this date but he can't find a girl. Can you look through your phone and see if you can think of anyone?" I was hesitant to throw an unsuspecting friend into the mix, seeing as how "do you want to go on a date right this minute with a friend of a stranger because he couldn't find one girl in this entire city to go out with him" isn't exactly a great selling point. In any case, we didn't find a date for Samsonite's buddy....who, by the way, we will name Frank, because no, that's not the last we'll be hearing of him.

Scene 2: Defying Death & Stuff
Another block or so up the road, Samsonite said, "Hey i have a fun idea -- you drive my car!" Before I had a chance to protest or recite any lyrics from a Safety Kids song, my "fun-loving" date had closed his eyes and lifted his hands off the steering wheel. Grabbing the steering wheel seemed like the only sensible thing to do at this point, as did screaming at him to open his eyes. I'm pretty sure he just laughed and said it was a joke. Then I recited the entire etymology of the word "joke" to him. Kidding. But I should have.

Scene 3: Hands Off
Because neither of us was hungry (it was good to agree on something), we headed to the nearest movie theatre for some fine cinema. And by "fine cinema" I mean a movie titled "Flushed Away" that featured cartoon rats. As the opening credits rolled, I noticed Sammers was leaning awfully close to me. I employed every "don't touch me" body language maneuver I had in my arsenal and made sure to thwart his advances. That was, until halfway through the movie when I let my guard down and unwittingly put my arm on the armrest for about 0.005 seconds. And that is how I found my hand in his eager grasp for the rest of the illustrious film.

Scene 4: A Supporting Actor
Hunger had dawned at this point so we wandered across the street to a little diner. It was about this time when Frank met up with us. Had Frank found a date? No, Frank had not found a date. Frank was coming to 3rd-wheel it. Well, Frank, I actually didn't mind your interruption at this point, if we're being completely honest. And thus I spent the next hour picking at my french fries on my side of the booth while Frank and Sammy dearest sat across from me and talked (to each other) and fiddled with their new hand-held gaming devices. In good news, I'm a sucker for french fries.

Scene 5: A Scenic Drive
I was pretty much dying to go home at this point, and probably should have said so. But remember that part about being tender and 19? I don't think my healthy dose of gumption blossomed until at least 2-3 years later. So, Frank piled in Sam's car with us and the fellas spent the next 30 minutes hemming and hawing about what we should do next. Someone (probably not me) voted on a drive up the canyon, and so off we went. I'll cut the details on the drive up the canyon, but suffice it to say, when you're crammed in the back seat (we had picked up more friends at this point) and your date has already held your hand that night, he might think it's time to put his arm around you and hold you close for the entire adventure.

Prologue: In a nutshell, my adventurous night on the town wrapped up with a half-hearted hug at the door and a roommate who owed me big time. In any case, I did love those french fries.