Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Why I'm Still a Virgin


Let's talk about sex...and not having it...until you should. Glad we had this chat. Now go clean your room.

...

Okay but really, I am going to talk about sex (and how most of what I have learned was taught in 4th grade health class and bachelor party stories). 

Recently, I made the comment on Fb/Tw about still being a virgin and apparently many people feel that a never-been-married 26 year old guy shouldn't be. Well I am here to tell you that you don't need sex parties or niche porn to live a fulfilling and happy life ('BWAAAAA?'). I have made a personal choice to wait to have any sexual activity until after marriage. 

Let me tell you why. Disagree, you may (Yoda imagery during sex talk....I retract).

I think sex is special. So special, in fact, that I don't believe that sex should be had outside of marriage. 

Many of my friends tell me I'm crazy. 'You can't buy a car without a test drive. You can't know if there is chemistry without sex! Do you want bad sex for the rest of your life?'

That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. It is like saying, 'You don't want going to the moon to be bad.' Scenario: I'm going to the moon. I've never been. I'm pretty sure whatever it is is going to be pretty cool. So chill your overactive jet packs. If it is the only I've ever had, it will be the best. 

Now as for the chemistry. Let me ask you non-virgins out there (and based on the number of bored housewives waiting for their kid to wake up and divorced ex girlfriends who read this blog, I'm guessing that number is pretty high)...have you ever kissed someone before having sex with them? Have you ever held someone's hand before kissing them before having sex with them? Yes on both accounts? 

My questioning progresses to a conclusion.

Have you ever held someone's hand and felt a spark? 
Kissed them and felt a spark?
Had sex with them...and NOT felt that same spark? that chemistry? that je ne sais pas quoi (as they say in America)?

NO! The answer has always, will always and is always no. 

Now you go telling me about this 'it physically needs to work' stuff and all....but what it really comes down to...is chemistry. 

So, I submit this post to you as a reason that sex before marriage is not needed, is a perfectly sane choice and does not prove anything about chemistry that cannot be deduced through other ways, such as kissing or even holding hands.

THAT being said...I do not want you to think that I think that people who think differently are bad people, but rather I am tired of people calling me ignorant for my personal decision. I know the moon is there. I will get there. But I will share that whole world with one person. 

p.s. do you know how difficult it is to google image something for a post like this and NOT be into niche porn? There are some things the safe filter just won't handle. 

13 comments:

  1. thanks for sharing this. sure do enjoy your blog.

    xo.deidre
    deejmbl.blogspot.com

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  2. The kid in that picture looks a bit like my brother. Haha! Excellent as usual, Zack! And let me add - do you know how many girls/guys out there spend half their time complaining or panicking because they're thinking "Am I better than his/her previous sex partner? Is he/she even going to be thinking about me during this? Am I just another conquest? Does this even mean anything to them? Is this move something he/she tried with someone else that they're trying to recreate because it was so much better with them than it is with me?!" I've heard all those questions and more. Not. Worth. It. Just like you said. If you only ever do it with the person you love, there are no comparisons! It will be the best

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  3. you always say what needs to be said in the best way. thank you!

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  4. Thanks Zack. You're awesome :) Seriously. Way to be.

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  5. Great quote I heard somewhere once - "Love is the only thing that makes sex worth having"

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  6. It's comforting to know that guys like you exist. I agree that there has to be more to a relationship than just that. I hope that when you find that special someone you will be eternally blessed for your choice.

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  7. So true. I love this post.

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  8. Moromon housewife waiting for her sleeping baby to wake up, right here.

    You are correct :)

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  9. I have mixed feelings about this post. On the one hand, I think you're right, that sex is special and should be saved for marriage. I believe that.

    I believed that for a long time but then during a short period of my life where I wasn't as sure about it, tried something different and lived with the guy I was dating.

    "Have you ever held someone's hand and felt a spark? Kissed them and felt a spark? Had sex with them...and NOT felt that same spark? that chemistry? that je ne sais pas quoi (as they say in America)?"

    All of that happened, but then ultimately, my answer to your last question was "Yes". That same spark was not there. Even though there was chemistry, the mechanics and complicated nature of sex (and it is complicated, particularly for women) meant that the spark was very much not there. And honestly, having talked with a number of people who don't share our value for the special nature of sex, that's not that uncommon. Actually, I've even talked to a good number of LDS members who are married and really don't have a great combination as far as their sex drive and needs are concerned.

    I've learned from my experience and am a better person for it, and am happily making sure that my "next time" is with the man I want to spend the rest of my existence with, but that doesn't stop sex from being more than simple chemistry. That means that waiting for marriage involves the risk that ultimately long term sex life will take a lot more work that it might with a more compatible partner, but I'm willing to take that risk for the other benefits I believe come with waiting.

    Enjoy your posts!

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  10. I agree with what Trelawny said. There are pros and cons to both. It's up to the individual to decide which option outweighs the other in pros.

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  11. I just saw this post, and although it's months later want to throw in my two bits.

    CHEERS for you, my friend!

    As a wife of two years, I tell you this:

    It's worth the wait. Your wife will love you all the more because you're giving her someone sacred. You're giving her the gift of trust, faith, loyalty, obedience, Godly devotion. That's priceless.

    And you'll be starting your lives together right in God's eyes. There's nothing sweeter than that.

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