What to Know before you "Know"...I Think

I don't know how many times I walked into my apartment from a first date or the hot tub or even the parking lot of king henry and said, "I've met the one!"

Maybe it is the hundreds of dates I've been on that have created this love child born of Nicolas Sparks romance and Judith McNaught snapshots, but perhaps I was right most of the time. While on the surface two compatible colors can combine to comprise a ascetically captivating collective--it is the fabric, the tapestry, the core that really constitutes cohesion. I don't care how good pink and black look, if it is seersucker and silk--stop. Stop it now. 

Here's the problem: I don't know what I don't know! I only know what I've been told I don't know...and just that is daunting. So I did what any self respecting guy would do in this situation, I went to google (with the filter on "moderate"). Two websites I found that were pretty interesting provided me with introspective assessments to seduce my ignorance into indulgence. One was (obviously) from Oprah and the other from GalaMind. 

Oprah's website provides a bunch of questions to ask before marriage. A similar site is  a little easier to read, but has similar questions (but 276 of them). Great questions to consider while contemplating continual compatibility. Some questions you should save until right before marriage though ;). 

The other seemed at first a little like hocus pocus, but on looking into it further I realized that GalaMind.com afforded some really interesting tools to assess personal perspectives on couples' condition. You click these geometric shapes and it will help provide insights to a relationship and even suggest specific things to do to help out. They call it Kinetic Intelligence. I call it 'whatever they call it.' Now while I don't usually pay for these kind of assessments, I found the YOU ME US tool to be pretty cool. It gave me some things to think about for myself that even Oprah couldn't. The narrator has a great voice, the insights are pretty interesting and the results have given me something to think about.

As I have always been told, in our house of life, the biggest room should always be the room for improvement. (Now while I feel it should be the hot tub room, I guess since I want an outdoor hot tub, it still works.) So as I've been seeking to learn the things that I don't know I don't know yet, maybe these two websites could help you on the same journey. 

Unless you've arrived...and even then, I think you don't even know you have.

Lilly Strikes Again with Making Me feel Mushy...

Jared + Kristy + A Salt Lake City Temple Wedding from Lilly McDowell on Vimeo.

This is SOOOOO awesome--and not just because my girlfriend and I are in it, but because I'm super stoked for Kristy and Jared. So excited for the rest of our lives of cruises....and Lilly is ALWAYS invited. She is magical.

Use her for ANY video needs. seriously. She is incredible.

GBO Fashion -- MY Guest Post for THEM

As you all know (or maybe you didn't), amid the chronicles of dating escapades that I shamelessly share on this blog, there is the occasional smattering of fashion advice.  


Turns out I'm not the ONLY one who considers myself an authority on the matter of how to dress like a sexy-beast: my fabulous friend Shannon, author of a fun, fearless fashion blog called GBO Fashion, actually invited me to post on her blog about my fashion (okay so it did take her over a year to invite me to be on her post so maybe she's running out of friends, but still...honored).  


Today she has featured me on her weekly series called 'MENSWEAR MONDAY', where I'll be discussing some of my personal observations and findings as it relates to men's fashion.  You should all go check it out HERE and follow along with GBO Fashion, cuz ALL the cool kids are doing it, and what else is there besides being really really cool?


Oh, and sorry, but I curse in the post a little.

How to NOT Get a Second Date -- guest post by Bre Rutledge

So I came across this story and thought it was brilliant, albeit, long. Bre gave me permission to repost it. You can check out some of her other musings at ohpishposh.com. Also, I want to point out...there is nothing wrong with a Vivint watch guy. I know many of them. In fact, I'm one of them right now. And yes...I still have a temple recommend. 

Living in an area such as Provo comes with the promise you'll have a lot of encounters with the opposite sex. Some good. Some bad. If I had the authority I would put warning labels against dating in everyone's apartments. But I can't. So I'll start here by telling this horrific and incredibly hilarious story. Hilarious for obvious reasons; horrific because people think this is socially acceptable. I'll get on with the story so you can share in my horrific hilarity. 

We'll keep the introduction short. I met, we'll call him C, a year or so ago (stop trying to figure out who it is) when he visited my church ward and introduced himself. He then added me on Facebook and eventually I accepted him (this was back when I accepted randoms). He then asked me out over Facebook and I (sorry) never responded. At this point I had talked to some friends who knew him and found out that he (I won't give away his exact age) was in his late thirties. Late. My father is 49 years old. I have young parents. But just imagine, if you will, me taking C home to my dad who is all of a decade older than him. I don't know about your dad, but mine would NOT be okay with that. If you are in your late thirties you should NOT be asking out 21 year olds. That should be common sense but apparently it isn't.

Anyway. C asks me out again (over Facebook) to a Jazz game. A friend of mine knows C pretty well so I asked him what he thought I should do. He said that I should go out with him and if I didn't like him then at least I tried. So I went on the date. Now, he was very nice to me. I have no complaints from our date, he treated me well. But I have really good instincts about people, and when I came home I said to my roommates (because we always tell our roommates about our dates) that he was nice and cute but he's too old for me and I think he's kind of into himself. I didn't know his exact age before the date, but while he was telling me his life story, I was counting the years in my head of the things he's done and concluded that he was somewhere in his mid-late thirties. Later I found out his exact age was even older than I calculated.

So we end up hanging out one more time with a big group of people. After this I knew for sure that he was not someone that I wanted to date. My instincts did not fail me and he was, in fact, into himself. So, on a Tuesday in March, I got this Facebook message from him. I was going to put a picture of the messages up and cut out his name, but there are a few other "giving away" factors in the email and I don't want people to know who I'm talking about. So here is what he said to me...word for word.

"Bre- I think you should rethink the idea that I'm too old to 

spend a couple eternities with. :) When our kids are first round 

draft picks and we are living out our wildest dreams, would it be 

so bad to be in love with a two sport college athlete, who played 

pro (insert sport here) and went to (insert Ivy league college here), 

and is still a virgin and has a rock solid testimony and will love you 

forever? K, a little bold to be sure. But worth another shot 

for dinner and a movie? Maybe? ;)"

I literally read this ten times over because I was so shocked. What did he think my response would be? "Oh, you played two sports in college? I didn't realize that OMG I'll marry you tomorrow!" Um. Heavens no. I'm sorry sweetheart but this is NOT a way to win a girl over. I'm still in complete shock that anyone would think that would work.

So I took a few days to respond (because it took that long to get over the shock). And I wanted to be sure that I said what I wanted to say without being completely rude. I wanted him to know that this is no way to win a girl over but I didn't want to downplay his accomplishments because he really has done a lot of amazing things in his life. So this was my response..

"C- There is no question that you have done a lot of great 

things in your life. And you seem like a nice guy. Your age 

aside, (because you are too old to date a 21 year old) I still wouldn't 

go out with you again. I'm sorry, the last thing I want is to be rude, 

and maybe you were meaning it as a joke, but you saying those 

things to me is not going to make me want to date you. It does the 

opposite actually. They are amazing things but when you 

flaunt them like that they become negative. In my eyes at least. 

I'm sorry to be bold but I'm just returning the favor." 

I realize that response wasn't exactly nice, but it needed to be said. And I actually felt bad about this for a bit. That is, until I got his response and read it over a few times. (He responded ten minutes later). I no longer feel bad for what I said.

"Thanks Bre. It was meant to be a little tongue in cheek, 

and I actually do shy away from talking about those things in 

normal conversation. But when girls around here are so 

often deceived by a jacked up truck and new Vivint watch, one is 

sometimes forced to play the hand one is dealt. And I'm certainly 

not ashamed of what I've accomplished, nor who I am. And 

you're in the minority of 21 year olds I've asked out, but I do 

understand. You may think differently when you marry that 

25 year old who has no idea who he is. But thanks for your 

response and your point of view. Have a great wknd (babe). 

Ok, kidding on the babe part. ;)" 

Spelling and all. Now, let me just break this down into sections for you so you can better understand my reaction. But first you must know that he lied to me multiple times in this response not knowing that I had talked to other girls he's tried to date and their stories are very similar to mine. (He should really learn some new moves if he's going to date that many girls in a small area). Also, if you think I'm mean after this I'm sorry. I'm not that mean I promise.

Section 1: "I actually do shy away from talking about these things in normal conversation." Um, no you don't. Do you not remember our date when you told me your entire life story beginning to end, all these things included? 
Section 2: "When girls around here are so often deceived by a jacked up truck and new Vivint watch..." Okay, first off, you drive an expensive little sports car so who are you to judge the guys who drive jacked up trucks? (I'm not defending the jacked up truck guys, just making a point). Also, don't stereotype me into the girl who dates those kinds of guys. You have no idea what kind of guys I date. Also, after this, on a scale, I'd put you lower than the guys in the jacked up trucks for guys I'd go out with.
Section 3: "I'm certainly not ashamed of what I've accomplished, nor who I am." Never said you should be sweetheart. Just pointing out that you shouldn't flaunt your accomplishments in order to get a girl.
Section 4: "And you're in the minority of 21 year olds I've asked out.." Umm. Those girls need a reality check. And their fathers need to be informed that a man 16-18 years older than their daughter is asking her out. Also, going to the BYU library JUST to pick up on girls, then telling 18 year olds you're only 28, doesn't count in this "group" you're talking about. (PS. 18 year old told the boy she was dating who happened to know C. He told her how old he actually was. His response when she called him out was, "I knew I'd have to tell you I was 28 so you would agree to go out with me.") So. Many. Things. Wrong. With. This. Ew.
Section 5: "You may think differently when you marry that 25 year old who has no idea who he is." Okay, now we're insulting my future husband? But you're right. When I marry the man of my dreams I'll totally be thinking, "Dang, I should have married that two sport college athlete so we could have first round draft picks for children."
Section 6: "Have a great wknd (babe). Ok, kidding on the babe part. ;)" Um, thanks for adding that one at the end. That really hurt me.

I didn't respond. Mostly because I knew that he would just come back with some awesome response that further insulted me and my future. Please, I beg of you, learn from this guy. Do not flaunt your accomplishments like this to try and win her over. You don't need to be ashamed of your accomplishments. Be proud of them. And if the girl you're out with asks you about your life, tell her. But there is a huge difference between talking about your accomplishments and bragging about them. And girls can tell. And, under NO circumstances, ever write anything remotely close to his emails. That's all. And good luck in your future dating endeavors. 

How to Compromise

I was talking with my father the other day and he informed me about some of the deeper doctrine of the marital meaning of "compromise." See, I had this presupposed pretense that a "compromise" means a give and take.

Which is right.....unless you're in a relationship. 

See, apparently, there is this thing called "too bad for you--it's what she wants"...no one told me. I was talking to my father about how Katie, my girlfriend (yeah....and let me tell you, her closet makes mine look like halloween) and I were trying to reach a "compromise" about something and he started to laugh. 

'Ah,' I thought, 'the laugh of two grown men understanding how it is to deal with women. My father is finally proud.'

But it wasn't that kind of a laugh. It was a 'you hit a single...in tee ball...during practice' kind of laugh. 

"Zack, if it is not about the principle, than let it go. Let her have her way. There will be plenty of times to get things your way, but it isn't going to be with preference."

It was about this time that I realized the joke that Katie had made a few times began to seem more like subliminal messaging of eventuality. Katie has told me that compromise is simple:

"When we agree, we'll do it your way every time. When we disagree we'll do it my way. That way, we can each have our way 1/2 the time!"

'Okay! Brilliant...........wait a second...FOILED!'

So how do you compromise? It really is quite easy, and almost just like they always told you. 

It really is a give and take--but you only get to choose one.