I drop by my old roommate's apartment to catch up after not seeing him for a couple of weeks.
He sees me walk in and without even making eye contact asks, "So how are things going with that one girl?" his a half-smirk hinted at his undeniable undertones of subtle scoffing (3x2=6pts).
I knew he had no idea who that 'one girl' was, but after knowing me for a few years, he just assumed there was some'one girl'.
I pretended to not notice his gentle jab.
"Eh...you know how things go. It didn't work out. She--"
"What was wrong with this one?" The facetious flavor became more pronounced (by the way, "facetious" is one of 38 words in the English language that uses all of the vowels in alphabetical order...just in case you get nothing out of this post, there is at least one thing).
He got a little more to the point while looking up from his book, "I think you are too picky."
My response for the last 6 years was that I was not picky, I just wanted someone with whom I could fall in love. Not too much to ask...right?
Well...unless of course you are only willing to fall in love with perfection.
I have ended things with so many amazing girls just because I thought they were crazy. I mean, I used to think that 1/3 of all women were crazy, so I just looked for those 2/3. Then as I've aged, I've realized my assumption is incorrect. The truth is that ALL women are crazy...1/3 of the time. (And guys are immature 3/3 of the time, so sorry about that)
And in looking back at the things I haven't liked about girls, it has included traits like being too young, too old, too nice, not nice enough, too serious, too immature, too skinny, not skinny enough, too concerned with fashion, not good style, weird friends, messy, plain, quirky, too busy, too available...and on and on. Now if one person had all of those traits, then yeah, maybe we could look elsewhere (like to a shrink for bi-polar disorder).
But chances are, I've stopped liking girls after a first date and never gave them a chance (or better put, gave myself a chance to like them) because of some minor flaw. Maybe I exacerbated-ly extrapolated her quietness into something that would be the grounds for divorce or a broken home or a miserable life every time I came home from work and then I would be bored when we were sitting in our rocking chairs watching our great-grand-kids just sit in the yard like idiots and watch the grass grow because they learned how to be dull from my wife.
Well slo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-w down there Tonto! It is a first date...
And therein is the problem. We feel that if there is something we notice in the beginning we don't like, we fail to give them a chance. But if we are feeling off for a night, we expect them to give us another chance.
For the more we date, the more we realize what is so great about the other people. We begin to form this Captain Planet as an assimilation of the powers of all your previous relationships combined. See, I've dated the perfect girl for service, the perfect girl for beauty, the perfect girl for spirituality, the perfect girl for intellect, the perfect girl for cocktail parties and on and on and on...but they were all different girls. I will never find someone who possesses all of those qualities and hope that someone doesn't expect me to posses them as well.
As a recovering perfection-aholic, might I suggest a simple phrase to keep in mind. A phrase that we expect of others to believe about us but find others to be the exception for us--
Give them the benefit of the doubt--until they give you reason enough to doubt the benefit.
And there it is.
So does perfect exist? Yeah, of course it does...just not in one person. (SHOCKER.) I will never find a perfect match, and because of that, I don't have to marry a robot. See, I've realized that I'm going to date, marry and live with a human for the rest of my life. A human who not only has faults...but a human who can live with mine. For with all of their flaws, pet peeves, laziness, loudness and rudeness...humans are capable of love.